To provide women (and men) information they can use to generate loving, intimate, passionate, inspiring relationships in their lives.
Lesson 11 – Reward Good Husbands
Today’s lesson is a short lesson. Well, it COULD be VERY short if women would just listen to older, experienced, quality men like me. Men who have been the epitome of good husbands.
However, women have shown very great reluctance to listen to me these last six years. So I will make this a little longer and include interesting personal stories in the lesson to engage you in to thinking about what it means to reward good husbands by pointing out what NOT to do to good husbands.
As is my way, let me share with you a story of how to NOT treat your loving husband. This story always gets a good laugh from men because they simply can not believe I put up with this sort of garbage.
In 1992-3 there was a severe global recession. I was working for IBM at the time. I was 28 in 1992. I had moved from software development across to Sales and Marketing in IBM because it was my opinion that the IBM Australia International Software Development Lab would be closing down due to the collapse in the quality of work because of pandering to women. It turned out that I was correct in my prediction that this would happen. I was very fortunate not to be among my many old colleagues who were laid off in that area.
However, in Sales and Marketing at IBM things were tough too. In the period 1990 to 1994 IBM globally shed 150,000 jobs. It went from 450,000 employees to 300,000 employees. IBM was in serious trouble and revenues for large systems dried up in the recession. We all knew that IBM was going through tumultuous times and that our jobs were no longer safe.
One of the very proud boasts that IBM had in the past was that they had never laid anybody off. IBM consistently used about 10% of staff as contract staff who were paid slightly above the rates that IBM staff were paid. This was sold to IBMers as the “buffer” that was needed in good times so that in bad times the contractors would not have their contracts renewed and it was possible to manage the work force a little more flexibly with this 10% or so buffer of contract staff.
I had bought the line “we will never lay anyone off who is performing well and doing a great job.” So we had our (alleged) children in 1991 and 1993. Both born in May. When Joshua was conceived it was still true that there had never been any involuntary layoffs at IBM. But in December 1992 everything changed. IBM announced a global “Reduction in Force” and people were made offers to leave IBM with a package. Very ominously IBM Management announced that if enough people did not take the voluntary package then “all options were on the table”.
We all knew this could only mean one thing. The next round of layoffs would not be voluntary. The mood change at IBM was astounding. People were shaking their heads and wondering just how badly the wheels had fallen off. I got my offer but there was no question of taking it. I had 3 children and one on the way and a large mortgage to pay.
Jennifer also worked at IBM. There was not even any discussion. I was going to stick it out and do my best and make sure that I was in the top tier so that I would not be cut at the end of 1993 which we all thought was very likely coming.
Pretty much everyone working at IBM in Australia in 1993 was absolutely aware that if business did not pick up significantly then targeted layoffs were going to happen at the end of the year. We were very clear that people would be rated and scored and the best would get to keep their jobs and the rest would be “asked” to leave with a package as some form of compensation.
Joshua arrived in May 1993. Planned. But now my job was on the line. Jennifer’s job was safe as she was on maternity leave from May through to the end of 1993. It is simply not possible to fire a woman who has been on maternity leave. That would have brought the “discrimination police” out in force.
I explained all this to Jennifer. She had maternity leave when Josephine was born and was on leave again now Joshua was with us. With the new higher mortgage that we had by moving house in 1992 it was not possible for me to cover family expenses out of just my salary. We went to the bank and borrowed some more money while Jennifer was on maternity leave. The bank was quite fine with that since it is expected that in the period a career woman takes off for maternity leave there is need for slight adjustments to a 25 year mortgage. This was normal.
We went backwards at a rate of about AUD1,000 per month in the months Jennifer was on maternity leave and that was expected. Her net salary after taxes and deductions in those days was about AUD1,800 so it was clear that without that AUD1,800 we were going to go backwards and everyone was supportive of us in this situation. After all? It was only for a year, right? We would only be about AUD12,000 worse off at the end of her year on maternity leave, right? How wrong I was!
So that sets the scene for the story I am about to tell. Myself and all my colleagues are pretty sure that there will be targeted redundancies at the end of the year. We know we are going to be competing for a smaller pool of jobs. We know that we have to co-operate and collaborate during the year and not make any effort to undermine anyone else. We know we have to do our best and those who do not make it will not make it based on merit and not any arbitrary situation.
With now 4 children at home and a wife on maternity leave my priorities were very simple and very clear. I had to keep my job. Women talk about the “right to work” and the “choice to work or be a stay at home mother”. Us men know we get no such choice. If we wish to have a family we know our choices are work hard or work harder.
I had been unsuccessful in selling the software that I specialised in during the previous 2 years and I felt that only success in selling this software would save my job at the end of the year. So I decided that the best way to keep my job and provide for my family was to “work my arse off” in selling this software and doing great work for the account managers. We had one deal we worked on at the 5th largest bank in Australia. The head office was clear across Sydney and the commute was about 90 minutes each way to get there by train.
I was leaving home a bit after 7am and getting home at midnight. IBM would not pay for a hotel room because the client was in my own home city and with 4 children to feed and a wife on maternity leave the idea of paying for my own hotel room was simply not an option.
At my train station near my home there was a taxi rank. I lived about 1km from the station and so the cab fare was AUD5. But we were going backwards at AUD1,000 per month so rather than get a cab I would walk home. Jennifer, having the children, claimed that she was tired by midnight and needed to be in bed and so she was not willing to pick me up from the taxi rank. So walking home at midnight it was, to eat my dinner, get to bed by 1am, to be up at 6am to do it all again the next day. At least she would drive me to the train station at 7am.
I wanted to paint that picture of the situation we were in because, as a family, we were all in the one boat, we were all in this together. I was the bread winner and with the global economy in severe recession and IBM looking like laying people off keeping my job was the priority. Jennifer’s priority was taking care of the children and the house.
So, imagine my surprise when one night I drag myself in to the house at midnight, tired, indeed exhausted, and look for my meal to eat and it is not in the refrigerator. Where is my meal I wonder to myself? So I go and wake Jennifer and ask her where my meal is if it is not in the refrigerator. She replied as follows:
Jennifer: “You meal is in the dog.” (We had a pet dog Phoebe.)
Peter: “What? I do not understand. What do you mean my meal is in the dog?”
Jennifer: “I do not like you coming home late like this. You have to spend more time with me. So I am punishing you. I am going to feed your food to the dog every night you are not home by 9pm.”
I was so tired I could not even raise an argument. I just said.
Peter: “Let me get this straight. You are not working. You are home with the children as you wish to be. To pay for all this I have to work. It looks like people will be fired at the end of the year. Your job is safe but mine is not. And you think it is a good idea to “punish” me for working too hard to provide for my family. Have I got that right?”
Jennifer: “Very good. That is exactly correct. If you are not home by 9pm? Your dinner goes to the dog.”
I was so tired I just went to the kitchen and made a cup of tea for my dinner, had a shower, and crashed into bed about 1am with the alarm set for 6am.
Next night? Same deal. No dinner. And this continued on all month. I finished up working on that account and was coming home from the city office. One of my friends also lived nearby and got off at the same station. He too was planning children and he too was working his heart out to make the cut. So we used to travel home on the train together to arrive at home about midnight.
His wife was a nurse and they did not have children yet and so my friend was kind enough to then drop me at my place and save me the 1 km walk from the station each night. But each time I got home there was no dinner for me. I would make myself a sandwich for my dinner and shower and go to bed next to my oh so loving wife.
Our dog, Phoebe, was only a small dog. Feeding her the food for a grown man was abusive of her. Dogs do not know how much food is good for them. If you put food in front of them they will generally eat it even if it is too much for them. And so it was with Phoebe. She put on a lot of weight from the excess food and in the end she snapped the cruciate ligaments in both her hind legs.
I went along to the vet to discuss what do to with her. To me it was obvious. The dog was in so much pain and the recovery would be so difficult and painful that putting her down was the only option that would save the dog so much suffering.
Jennifer wailed and howled like one of our children had died. Right there in the surgery in front of the vet I turned on her. I attacked her viciously in a verbal barrage that had the vet wince.
I pointed out to her what a terrible wife she was feeding my dinner to the dog and in her attempts to spite me and be cruel to me she had now so abused our pet that she had effectively killed the family pet out of spite.
The vet did not know which way to look.
Jennifer did what Jennifer always did. She put on the waterworks and begged and pleaded and promised to reform and promised to do better “if only you will let me save Phoebes life I will be the wife to you that you always wanted”. So, I relented. We agreed to pay for the surgery for Phoebe and to attempt to save her life and rehabilitate her.
The vet told me that the dog was going to be in severe pain for some months and that she would have to be put on a very severe diet while she was immobilised to lose the weight. He warned me that this dog was going to have a very bad three months and be in bad humour by which he meant that she might be dangerous to our children and so we would need to keep a very close eye on her with the children.
So you really get this, dear listener, I want to make the point. The cost of the surgery for the dog was AUD500. At a time when we were going backwards at AUD1,000 per month. I had walked past the cab at the cab rank night after night after night to save the AUD5. AUD500 for the dogs surgery would have saved me 100 nights trudging home in the cold, the rain, the sleet, and even the occasional decent weather. I had walked home every weekday night right through the winter. I was not getting lifts from my friend until October which was well in to spring.
And the reason that we had to spend the AUD500 on the dogs surgery was because my wife was “punishing” me for working too hard to try and save my job so we could keep our house. Is it any wonder I later said to her:
“You love your dog more than you love your husband and that is a total disgrace. That is NOT what I signed up for.”
My dear ladies? If you want good husbands who will work 15 to 18 hour days to give you a good home for you and YOUR children? Then you are best advised to treat them better than the FAMILY DOG. You are best advised to REWARD such husbands. Not “punish” them for their hard work as Jennifer did me. If you do exactly the OPPOSITE of what Jennifer did then you would be more attractive to quality men like me.
Again. It beggars belief that I would have to say that but as you can see. No woman has every publicly criticised Jennifer for her actions on this point and so it is required to explain to you western women that abusing a small dog by over feeding it with your husbands dinner makes you LESS ATTRACTIVE to quality men like me. I am pretty sure you can understand that.
The upshot of that story was this. In December I was in the office and my second line manager, Gary, came in to the office looking like he had just heard someone close to him died. He looked almost in tears. He was shaken to the core. I went over to him quickly and asked him what was wrong. I could see he was distressed like I had never known him before.
He was almost dazed he was so distressed. This man was one of the most consummate professionals I have ever met hence his senior position. He said to me:
Gary: “I have just been told I have to let 50% of my staff go. 130 people report to me. My new headcount next year is 65. These are my friends. These are my colleagues. Nearly every man who works for me has a wife and children to support.
What am I going to do? How can I let these people go? They will lose their houses! There are no jobs out there for the sorts of people who work for me. I just have no idea what I am going to do.”
I was one of the 130 who worked for Gary. So I took the tack of supporting him as best I could in his situation. I said.
Peter: “Gary, we knew this was coming. We didn’t know it would be 50% but we all knew it would be more than 10%, maybe even 20%. We all knew that we were competing for a smaller group of jobs to be available at the end of the year.
None of us think you are to blame. None of us think you are responsible. The guys think you are great and we love working for you. We know that if it was up to you then none of us would have to go. But it is not up to you. You have your job to do just like we have our job to do.
We are sure that you will create a fair and just method of deciding which of us gets to keep our jobs and which of us is offered a package to go. Ok? You have earned our respect. We trust you will do the job you have to do with your normal professionalism. Ok?”
He was still stunned and I don’t even know if he took it in. Over the next week or so he devised a voting scheme where he asked the account managers to vote for the people they wanted to keep the next year. Only the account managers got a vote since they would be held accountable for their quotas the next year. I was told that not even branch managers got a vote. Just on quota account managers.
It was a tremendous responsibility to put on to the account managers. They knew that some of the people who were not going to make it would lose their houses, which they did. But there were only so many jobs to go around.
I will never forget being called in to my managers office to face the news. Did I keep my job or not? My manager was an old friend of mine at the time and we got along well. But she had no say in whether I kept my job or not.
I got good news. I got to keep my job and I was very, very relieved.
Ever vigilant to be sensitive I asked her how she had gone. She told me she had lost her job. Her father was the Managing Director of IBM Taiwan. I had actually met him when I was working in Taiwan. He had made some calls to try and keep his daughter in IBM but not even having a father so influential could save a persons job at that time. If you did not get the votes you were out. She was new in this area and had not had long enough to excel beyond others so she did not make the cut. That is how cut-throat the situation was.
So I went to my Christmas holidays in 1993 knowing that I had made the cut. I got to keep my job for one more year. We had no idea what we would face in 1994 because we were going to be 50% less people in our area. We could not deliver the same level of service as the previous year so 1994 was going to be a difficult year. But I was very, very pleased I got to keep my job.
I went home to Jennifer and explained that I was one of the lucky ones. We would get to keep our house for 12 more months. She pretended that she had supported me all through the year. I was livid so I turned on her and criticised her severely. I said to her words to the effect:
“The fact we get to keep our house for one more year, we get to keep your children in the school I worked so hard to get your children in to by buying this house, that we get to live in the lifestyle to which we have become accustomed, has absolutely nothing to do with you.
When I asked for your help, just please make me a meal to eat when you make a meal for the rest of the family, a meal I pay for, you fed my dinner to the dog!
You even made me pay the price of her surgery! Surgery paid for by me walking home in the rain and the cold all winter while you were asleep in your warm bed.
You are a terrible wife. You are a terrible mother. And you did not support me one little bit all year long.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself but you are not. And you are already not living up to the promises you made for me to make the decision to save Phoebes life.
I do not even know how you justify how you treat me to yourself. I really don’t. I do not know who you are. But you are not the woman I fell in love with. I would never fall in love with a shrew like you are today.”
She was suitably chastised. But not enough to actually start helping me as you will see from the next set of stories.
Ladies. If you do the exact opposite of what Jennifer did? You will be MUCH more attractive to quality men like me!
Now, many men I talk to can not believe the story about Jennifer feeding my dinner to the dog such that the dog snapped both cruciate ligaments in her back legs. They think that is a pretty amazing story. Especially the bit about walking home in the cold and rain all winter while Jennifer slept in her nice warm bed while I walked right past the taxis to save the AUD5 because she was on maternity leave and every AUD5 was valuable only to spend AUD500 on the vets fees for the dog.
A lot of men laugh about that and wonder “You put up with that and didn’t tell anyone? You protected a woman who would do that do you? Man, you must have had “love” something fierce. Tell me more!!” Most men want to hear more of these stories because, truly, you could not make this up! And with plenty of time between such atrocious behaviour and now it is all pretty funny.
It is especially funny now that we are divorced and I am really happy and Jennifer is really miserable! Jennifer got what she wanted. To be able to do anything she wanted to do without any interference from me. And she is obese, poor, and miserable and it is going to get worse for her. I am happy, healthy and soon to come in to quite a lot of money to make my life easier. My living conditions are better than they have ever been in my whole life!
So, to continue the story and to point out to you, dear lady, what you should NOT DO, and the sort of behaviour you should condemn. We ended in late 1993 where I had managed to keep my job when 50% of the people in my peer group at IBM lost their jobs. About 80%+ who were marred men and more than 70% of whom had children. Some of my colleagues lost their houses out of this situation.
You would think that Jennifer would have learned her lesson when I told her that news. But no. She was determined to be “bitch from hell” and things were to get worse.
In May 1994 I had a visitor from overseas and I was hosting her. Her name was Michaelyn. Anyway, the working day was coming to an end and we were discussing what to do for dinner. Michaelyn suggested it might be nice to ask my wife to join us. So I called Jennifer at her IBM desk number. It must have been 4pm or so. There was no answer at her desk so I checked her on line calendar. It showed she had not been in all day.
Her boss was a man named Greg and he was my old mentor. So we were good friends. I gave him a quick call to see where Jennifer was as her calendar should have shown her activities for the day. Greg was also bemused. He said that she had not been in all day and had not called in sick as per the regulations if she was sick. He suggested that I call home and then let him know what was up as he was now concerned for her well being.
I call home and Jennifer answered the phone. I ask her if she is ill or if there is a problem. No. She is perfectly ok. So I ask why she is not at work. She tells me:
Jennifer: “I don’t like working any more. So I am going to stay home with the kids. You can go to work.”
Peter: (Laughing) “Sure, I understand, there are days I don’t want to go to work either. But we have a mortgage and we have children to pay for, so I put my big girl panties on and I go to work. You have to do the same. So you will be back at work tomorrow.”
Jennifer: “No I won’t and you can’t make me. I am serious. I don’t like working any more so I am not going and there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t make me go to work.”
Peter: “Ok….look. You signed a mortgage. That is a promise to pay a mortgage. Your children go to a better school because WE signed a mortgage to get a house near the best school we could afford a house next to. That mortgage requires you go to work. You have to live up to your signature just like I have to live up to my signature. End of story.”
Jennifer: “No. I never SAID I was going to pay my share of the mortgage. Just because I signed the mortgage documents that does not mean I have to pay it. It just means I own half the house. You are the man. You can pay the mortgage.”
By now I was getting frustrated and embarrassed in front of my guest. So I decided to drop the conversation and just said:
Peter: “I am going to dinner with Michaelyn, I will be home about 11pm. We can talk about this when I get home. Not going to work is not an option. Bye for now.”
Michaelyn was sitting there with her mouth agape. The conversation went like this:
Michaelyn: “Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”
Peter: “Yep. She says she does not want to go to work any more. Apparently she had decided she does not like working! Who knew that working was a drag sometimes, eh? LOL!”
Micahelyn: “But you have 4 children. You have a mortgage. Surely this must have come up in conversation. You can’t support a family of 6 on an IBM salary at your level. You are 30 years old for goodness sakes!
I know how much you are paid roughly. A 30 year old IBMer on an IBM salary can not support a family of 6 in a city as expensive as Sydney. It simply can’t be done! What is your wife thinking?!”
I just shook my head and said:
Peter: “Michaelyn. You have no idea what I have to put up with with this woman. You really don’t. Let’s just get dinner later and then I will go home and sort this mess out, ok? Let’s drop it.”
And so we did. We did not discuss this at dinner. We stuck to business. We were trying to sell the software she was responsible for and we had to focus on that.
I finally got home and Jennifer and I had the conversation in the kitchen as I was preparing something to eat as a snack before having a shower and going to bed.
Peter: “What the hell is this all about? You said you wanted a career. You worked hard for it. I helped you and supported you every step of the way. I put you through college. I did your computing assignments for you. I taught you as best I could and as best you would listen. If not for me you would never have gotten a job at IBM.
Now you have a great job at IBM. Your office is FOUR KILOMETRES from your house. No one has a commute like that. There is excellent day care right next to the office. You work in one of the most female friendly and mother friendly companies in the world. It simply does not get any better than this for a working mother. You have the best conditions in the world. No one has it better than you. Certainly not me. So what is this all about?”
Jennifer: “Going to work makes me tired. It’s hard to go to work every day. I don’t like it any more. I used to like it but now it has become something I don’t like. So I don’t want to go.”
Peter: “Your father has been going to the bakery for 35 years or so now. Do you imagine he LIKES going to the bakery every day? Do you imagine he would rather not be at home with his children.”
Jennifer: “Well he says he likes it so he must like it.”
Peter: “What the hell is wrong with you? Of course your father says he likes going to work. If he said he didn’t like it he would be called a whinger, a whiner, and told that he has responsibilities to his children. Hell, he might have even learned to like it because liking going to work is better than hating going to work. But I can assure you almost NO MEN really like going to work. It is what we have to do to feed our families.
You women said you wanted to come in to the work force. You saw what men had to work in at the steelworks. You saw men died working there. Three men died in two weeks you were there. Do you think those men LIKED working in a dirty, hot, dangerous place where they might be KILLED? Even if they said they liked it do you REALLY think they LIKED IT?”
Jennifer: “Well, I never really thought if it like that. I was shocked to see how dirty and dangerous the steelworks was. I was shocked to learn men are killed there on a regular basis. I was shocked that most men die of health problems long before they retire. But those men CHOOSE to be there, so that is THEIR problem.”
Peter: “You are an idiot. You think some guy who lives in the Wollongong region who has average intelligence and ability chooses to work at the steelworks? Really? Sure, he chooses to work at the steel works or he chooses to be impoverished because there are so few other jobs. And the competition for those other jobs is fierce. For the most part the men who work at the steelworks choose to be there from a short list of one option.
If they want to get married and have children it is the steelworks for life for the vast majority of men. And as you saw, young men from all over the country come to the steelworks to work because THAT IS WHERE THERE ARE JOBS. I was one of the lucky ones. I was good enough to get out of the steelworks and get a job at IBM.
You, as my wife, were lucky enough to be offered a job at IBM under exceptional circumstances. You are not good enough to get a job at IBM on your own merits. You needed my assistance to get your job. You have a job that hundreds of thousands of other women like you would die for.
My grand mother got up at 4am in the Wagga winters and walked to my school and mopped the floors for our 9am start EVERY DAY for gods sake. You think she would not have given her eye teeth to have a job like yours? She could never in her life have gotten a job like yours so she mopped floors and cleaned toilets for years. And she NEVER complained about it. Her work had honour and dignity.
And here you are. You could have been the cleaning woman at my primary school like my grand mother. (She lived right near the school when she was on welfare). But here you are. Because of me you have a great job at IBM and fantastic prospects.
You want to throw that away? For what? Because “I don’t like going to work any more”? Do you think my grand mother LIKED getting up at 4am in the Wagga winter to go to the school and mop the floors and clean the toilets? Really? Do you think she LIKED THAT?!”
Jennifer: “Well no. But be that as it may, I do not like working any more and I am not going to. You can’t make me go to work. You are not the boss of me. So I am not going.”
Peter: “Jenni (as I used to call her, she hates Jennifer which is why I am using it now). You signed the mortgage contract. That means you agreed to pay your share. You know how much I earn. You know we went backwards at the rate of AUD1,000 per month when you were on maternity leave. You know the bank will not allow us to go backward each month with no credible plan to earn enough money between us to pay the mortgage.
If you refuse to go to work, which you can do because slavery is not allowed, you have to WANT to go to work to pay for your children and yourself, then we will lose our house. I can not pay for our expenses on my salary.
For a man who is 30 I make excellent money. But it is not nearly enough to pay for a family of 6. If you refuse to work. In all likelihood we will lose our house.” All the work we did to get it will be lost. Your children will not be able to go to the best school. You will be depriving the children of the best education opportunity you can afford them.
So…I am tired…I am frustrated…and I am angry at you. I have told you over and over again you are a terrible wife. I have told you that you are not the woman I fell in love with. I have told you that I dislike your attitude and your actions to me. You fed my food to the dog for Gods sake. You renounced your religion for Gods sake. What is this? More shit you want to start just to make my life difficult? What is this bullshit even all about?
Now. I am going to ask you one more time, and then I am going to bed because I need to go to work tomorrow. Are you going back to work, like you SAID you would do when you signed the mortgage or not?”
Jennifer: (She folded her arms in an act of defiance and in a huff said) “I am the woman. I am going to stay home and raise the children. You are the man. It is YOUR JOB to make enough money for us all. No. I will not go back to work. And nothing you can say and nothing you can do will change my mind because you are not the boss of me and you can’t MAKE ME go to work.”
With that I went to the shower and went to bed to get my sleep. I was, understandably, angry as hell at her attitude. Who the hell thinks they can sign a mortgage and then not pay it? Obviously a western feminist woman, right?
And who the hell thinks that they can get their children in to the best school possible by taking out a large mortgage that requires 30% of the combined incomes and then keep the house and keep HER CHILDREN in the best school and NOT GO TO WORK?!
Obviously a western feminist woman. That’s who.
Meanwhile, at IBM, things were getting no better. A sort of “corporate paralysis” had set in. A new CEO was on board. Lou Gestner, a biscuit maker. He came from RJR Nabisco. None of us could believe that IBM had hired a BISCUIT MAKER as the new CEO. The justification given to us was that if the new CEO was hired from within, as was EVERY previous CEO, then he would owe too many favours to too many people to make the cuts and the changes that were necessary.
We were told “expect big changes”. All options were on the table and Gerstner didn’t owe anyone any favours. He would do what he felt was best and that might look pretty strange to us as long term IBMers. I had been at IBM 8 years by this stage and as little as a year ago fully intended to remain at IBM for my career. In late 1993 I had an experience where I thought that one day I would have to leave IBM. That was at the back of my mind.
But where to go? No other company was going to pay me more than IBM. I was earning more money than anyone else I knew who was 30 years of age. As far as I knew I was the top earner of the 69 people who started with me in 1986. Not ONE of my peers had made it to my level in the 8 years I had been there.
Indeed, one of my colleagues who had been at IBM 2 years longer than me, who was promoted to my level a year or two before me, and was very competent and well respected, one day complained to me about how small her 1993 Christmas pay rise was.
She told me what she grossed in her complaint. I earned 10% more than she did despite being much her junior in this job. So I knew that I was being well paid for my age and experience. I knew that I could not be looking to IBM for any significant pay rise over the next 5 years.
Now I also had the problem that my wife had quit work and there was simply no way I could pay for my family on my salary. The obvious option was that we would have to sell the house and move to a cheaper area of Sydney so that we could afford the mortgage payment on my salary. This was obviously weighing very heavily on my mind. Our house was the cheapest house in our area. This was because it was a dump when we bought it.
There was no way we could get a cheaper house and remain in the area. Pennant Hills, in Sydney, was one of the best suburbs to live in because of the facilities available. House prices were quite high and there was no other house we could afford in the area.
So in this period, May and June 1994 I had to weigh up my options. How could I keep the house with a wife who point blank refused to go to work?
I talked to my manager and asked if there were any packages going. Perhaps I could get a little money by leaving and getting a new job. He told me no, no more packages. They would love me to stay as I had made the cut, but I was also welcome to go in these tumultuous times. But there would be no packages now or at the end of 1994.
I then talked to some of my customers about the prospects of working for them on a contract basis and what might they be able to offer me. One of my customers was the third largest insurance company in Australia. My customer there was named Colin and he has remained a good friend over the years. He actually ended up working for IBM.
When I sounded him out about a job he said “How much do you need?” I told him I needed a minimum contract of 1,000 hours at AUD60 per hour so that I could have a buffer for the next 6 months while I worked out what to do.
I had been billing AUD125 per hour as an IBM consultant to them over the last 5 years, so AUD60 per hour was a very reasonable price in their eyes. Obviously IBM takes most of the AUD125 per hour.
He said “Stay right here. I will be right back.” He went off to see his boss and ask him if he would sign the contract if all could be organised. His boss gave him the green light. He said he would need a letter from the account manager saying that IBM was ok with them offering me a contract. If IBM would assure him that my approach to them was approved inside IBM they would welcome me with open arms.
So I went back to the branch manager and sat down and explained my position. His name was Bruce and he also had one child as I recall. We were quite friendly and I respected his opinion a great deal. He had spoken well of me publicly to help me to keep my job in late 1993. I absolutely owed him a personal conversation if I were to think of leaving.
He knew that some of my peers were now losing their houses. He knew there were difficult times ahead for many. After I explained that my wife simply refused to go to work and this meant I would have to sell my house or leave IBM he grimaced. He said words to the effect:
Bruce: “Peter, you are a great talent. Everyone here respects you. You work so hard and you perform above what could be expected from your level and age. There are only a few in your group as good as you and very few who are willing to work as hard as you. You do your best every day.
You are welcome to stay. You made the cut on merit. But I absolutely understand your position. You want to keep your house. You want to provide for your family. That is why you are here in the first place. I agree that takes priority.
We both know IBM will not offer you enough money to keep your house. If you can not convince your wife to go back to work to help pay the bills and you decide you need to leave to keep your house, I will support that decision 100%. I would be delighted if you would work for our customers.
We managers are still being pressured to cut down on headcount and encourage people to move on where we can. You are a good young man. You will do well. I will support whatever decision you feel is best for you and your family, ok?”
We shook hands and I thanked him very much for his support and understanding. Bruce was a rare man. One of the best. He was the kind of man you could understand men would follow in to battle.
I then went to the account manager and informed him of the conversation with his boss Bruce. The account manager had seen this coming and fully supported my moving to his account on a near permanent basis. His comment was “we live in very strange times, who knows what is going to happen next.”
I then went to my boss to discuss the situation with him and told him about how Jennifer had quit working and that I saw that the only way to keep my house was to strike out on my own as a consultant and see how I went. We talked of this for a while. I fully understood contracts could be lost and I could be out of a job easily enough.
He counselled me that I had a very long and good career in front of me at IBM. There was no question that I would be a top performer for years to come. But he agreed that there would be no offer forthcoming that would allow me to pay my mortgage. He was incredulous that my wife was refusing to work and was throwing away a job at IBM.
He was careful not to criticise Jennifer. Indeed, everyone I talked to was very careful to avoid criticising Jennifer because it is simply not done to criticize a mans wife. The only person who has the right to criticize a mans wife in the business setting is the man himself.
So. Once everyone had been informed and all agreed that they would support my decision I went back to the branch manager and asked him for the letter to the customer that Colin could use to get my new contract written up. The contract was duly written up and forward dated a week and signed by his boss.
I was told that when I had a letter of formal acceptance of my IBM resignation to come back and sign the contract, it would be waiting for me. The whole process took about 2 weeks. I duly left IBM at the end of June 1994 and started my new contract in the July. I was on a very high risk path now. I had secured one contract for 1,000 hours of work, but would the next contract come? And would the rate be ok?
I was very, very dubious about this. I presented it all as very positive to those around me as was necessary. But those who knew me well knew Jennifer had quit work and knew that she had put me between a rock and a hard place. They said nothing but they were perfectly aware of what was going on.
In the meantime Gerstner was making so many “big decisions” it was easy to see now that IBM would never be the company I had joined ever again. Over the next 20 years that has turned out to be true. IBM has very much discarded the ideas that made it great and a great place to work:
- Respect for the Individual
- Pay for performance
Those were the hallmarks of IBM in 1985 when I read about them in more detail as a customer and university student and decided to go for a campus interview. Those qualities called to me. And they had been absolutely true of IBM from my time there in 1986-89.
But from 1989 onwards these qualities were being eroded. By 1994….just 8 years after I joined….these qualities were next to non-existent. It is remarkable how fast a corporate culture can be deconstructed in bad economic times.
So that was the story of my coming to leave IBM. There were two main reasons.
- IBM left me meaning that the transformations under Gerstner were so great and to be permanent that IBM did not even remotely resemble the company I joined in 1986.
- Jennifer flatly refused to go back to work which made staying at IBM untenable in the first place. It was a choice between “do we want to sell the house and move to a cheaper place to live or do I strike out on my own and do my best?”
The rest is history. I struck out on my own and did my best.
The contract that I signed was approximately double my IBM income. To earn AUD60,000 gross for 1,000 hours of work was about double the rate I would earn at IBM given the average working year at IBM was about 2,200 hours for me. So for a young man to double his income at the age of 30 coming out of a good paying job at IBM was a remarkable achievement.
But could it be sustained? I had already been through two recessions so I was well aware that the slowly warming economy of 1994 was absolutely no guarantee that I would be able to continue to secure contracts.
Many of my colleagues who had lost their jobs at the end of 1993 still did not have a new job in July 1994. Some of them had to leave the IT profession just to get a job at all. Some were sticking it out in the IT profession hoping to get back in when times were better.
You, my dear reader or listener, would think that my efforts would be rewarded, right? You would imagine Jennifer would be over the moon that I was able to generate the circumstances that I could single-handedly pay for HER and HER CHILDREN.
You would think that she would start to show me some the the respect I had earned as the highest paid man in my profession, at my age, in the country as far as I was aware. I was not aware of anyone else who was my age who had a contract like me.
One guy, Chris, who was WELL above my level of ability and a few years older had secured a very good contract with his IBM client at the end of 1993 when he took his package.
One of my peers had struck out with two of his friends just a few months earlier but they were still struggling to get contracts. So apart from those two? No one I knew from IBM had landed such a long term well paid contract.
But no. This was “to be expected”. When I came home with the contract and showed it to Jennifer her reaction was merely a casual:
Jennifer: “See, I knew you could do that. You just needed a little push, that’s all.”
Peter: “A little push? You characterise quitting a job at IBM and placing the full burden of providing for a family of 6 in Sydney and all the stress that goes with that “a little push”? That is how you describe that?
You are a selfish, self cantered, greedy bitch Jenni. I didn’t sign up for this. You are damn lucky I love you and know you can be better or I would have divorced you by now.
Now we have the two little ones you think you can ride rough shod over me just because you know you can use my love for my children as weapon against me. That is one of the most despicable things I have ever seen you do. And I want to make sure you are absolutely totally aware I know this is what you have done.”
Ladies? The lesson of that story is simple. Do the exactly OPPOSITE of what Jennifer did and you will be a more attractive option as a wife. Do the sort of things that Jennifer did and you will be a less attractive wife. That is the lesson from that story.
My story is very common among western men. Millions of western women sign mortgage contracts and then refuse to work to pay the mortgage. It is not like I am Robinson Caruso in that regard. It is just that not many men will tell their stories like I will.
So take heed. Quality men have seen this happen to millions of other men and they are not impressed. The young men know that just because a woman signs a mortgage contract that does NOT MEAN she is going to work to pay it. Until women are held accountable for their signatures on contracts young men who are quality men are going to avoid signing a contact with a woman like the plague women like Jennifer have made it to be.
And remember. This was 1994. To date there has not been a single woman publicly denounce Jennifer for refusing to pay a mortgage contract that she signed. There has not been a single woman denounce her for her actions.
That means that women openly support and condone the idea that a woman’s signature on a contract is meaningless. That if she breaks it then that is just her “woman’s prerogative to change her mind” and that women agree that the cultural standard of “a mans word is his bond” does not apply to women.
Dear reader or listener. You have now been very well informed that quality men know “it is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind” and that quality men know that nothing you say, even on a contract, even under oath, can be taken seriously.
Until you Ladies start to prove to quality men that you take your oaths and signatures on contracts seriously? Do not expect quality men to line up to marry you and have children.
While you condone the acts of Jennifer and millions like her? Quality men are quite rightly refusing to enter in to agreements with you that you show absolutely no remorse or concern about breaking.
Now you have heard the back story to what I wrote in Lesson 04 – Honour and Integrity. In there I mentioned that in late 1994 one of my close work colleagues had sensed “there is something not quite right about Peter, he is not his usual happy self” and he invited me to the Landmark Forum.
You can now see why, in February 1995, when we did the Landmark Forum together that I was so totally fed up with Jennifer and the decision was made that we would divorce on the Saturday night.
Feeding a mans dinner to the dog. Refusing to work to support your own children despite having a good job at IBM. These were extreme provocations absolutely intended to be extreme provocations. They are what we quality men call “shit-testing”. This is where a woman provokes a man in the extreme to see if he can get him to lash out so that she can then claim to be the “victim” of a “violent and abusive man”. Us quality men are well aware of this “shit-testing”. We do not like it. We now deal with it most harshly.
You can ALSO see why, when looked at in cold cool rational terms, the other women would say that I was “a good catch”. I as tall, blonde, and handsome. And most importantly for women I was earning at a rate of AUD120,000 per annum as a 31 year old when the average income was AUD40,000.
My father was still working and earning about AUD40,000 per year if I recall at the time. So to be earning three times the amount that your father was earning was doing pretty well. All us quality men know how money centric women are. Their denials are laughable.
There was also the point that I loved the children and had laboured very, very hard to renovate our first house so we could buy our second house next to the best schools to give HER children the best possible opportunity.
Some of the men in my class were saying things like: “Peter, compared to most men you are a God-damned SAINT. Dump this greedy bitch. Get yourself a decent woman. She will never change.”
That was not to be my fate. When Jennifer came to me on the Sunday night and begged me to take her back my considerations were very much along the lines of:
- I did love Jennifer with all my heart and soul. The one I married not the shrew who showed up later.
- There were the children to consider.
I had seen how being removed from their father had so badly affected Kristen and Jarrod. I could see that Josephine and Joshua would also be severely affected should we divorce. The plan in divorce was that I would keep Joshua and Jennifer would keep Josephine. Splitting them like that would also cause them harm.
- We were settled.
I had far over achieved even my wildest dreams as a young man. The future was bright. I was now 31. I was getting towards the top of my profession in the country. I had 34 good years of earning capacity in front of me. The days of struggling so hard were now falling behind me. I was very confident in the future and my ability to gain great jobs and great contracts in the future. My business area was starting to grow and large companies were starting to talk to me.
And so I took Jennifer back on the Sunday night of the Landmark Forum. One can argue it was a mistake but it was my fate that I did so. Apparently my creator had more “shit-tests” in mind to make me the harder and tougher man I am today.
Jennifer was the “world shit-test queen” as you are about to read. If you think what you have read or heard up to now was bad? You have not seen ANYTHING YET. Within 10 months of all her promises to be the woman she knew she could be much worse was yet to come.
So if you are hooked on this soap opera that was my life in the 90s? By all means read or listen on!
In the weeks and months following the Landmark Forum Jennifer kept up her promises of being a better wife. Mysteriously the household expenses were suddenly nearly AUD2,000 less than they had been previously.
I could discern no reduction in what was coming in to the household and pressed her on this point. She was evasive. I sometimes wonder if Jennifer was stealing from the household finances during our entire marriage. We are yet to get to the bottom of that question and we will one day.
However, it was not long before she started over spending and being nasty again. We did some much needed renovations on our house and garden. We put in new fences. A new garden. And a new deck out the back because the old one was fast becoming a safety hazard.
The turning point was actually during the time we were doing the Landmark Advanced Class. I will not say exactly what Jennifer did. But it was so cruel, so vicious, so callous as to be unbelievable. It was the first time I honestly thought that I might actually hit her in reflex to her provocations. Her “shit tests”. I simply commented to her “I see the shrew is back, eh?”
What she did next will blow your mind. If memory serves me it was after the Christmas 1995 holidays, but I could be mistaken. We spent Christmas in Wagga as we always did. I returned to Sydney to work and Jennifer remained in Wagga because the children were not due back at school for a few more weeks.
One Friday I was sitting at my desk in my home office and the phone rings. I answer it. It is Jennifer. She says:
Jennifer: “I really like living in Wagga. I don’t have my allergies here. I feel better here. So I am not coming back to Sydney. I am going to stay here.”
I honestly thought she was joking. Not even JENNIFER could be so stupid as to imagine that she could simply decide to move to a town 500kms away and for this to be somehow paid for by me when we have a HOUSE WITH A MORTGAGE in Sydney. As ever, I underestimated what a bitch she could be and how much she wanted to “shit-test” me. So I said.Peter: “Jenni. We have a house in Sydney that we need to pay for, remember? The house that you refused to pay for, remember. The house that I went contracting to pay for, remember? We can barely afford one house let alone two houses.Where do you think you are going to live in Wagga? You can’t live at my parents house. You can’t live at your parents house. You have 4 children. You have a house here to live in. So stop this nonsense. You can’t have another house.”
Jennifer: “I am not coming back to Sydney. You have to get me and the children another house. I feel better here and I don’t see why I should feel bad living in Sydney just to raise my children.”
Peter: “You know. I wondered if you could ever get more selfish, more greedy, more self centred than you have been in the past. Obviously the answer is yes, you can. Tell you what. You come back here with the kids at the end of the holidays and we will sit down and talk about why we can’t afford another house. You can look at all the bills, look at my income, and remember, I could lose my income at any time with a contract cancellation. My income is invoice to invoice now. There are no guarantees.
When you look at all this you will see we can not afford another house. Not even close. So when you are done with your holiday, you know, while I am working, come back here and I will show you that what you are demanding is simply not possible.”
Jennifer: “I am not coming back and you can’t make me.”
Peter: “Ok, look. I am going to be really busy starting by the middle of next week. I will see if there is a flight down tonight. I will come down there and talk to you. To your mother and father. And we will sort this out. And I can tell you this. That you are putting me to this trouble is most unwelcome. You were great for 6 months after the forum but now the shrew is back. It takes so little for you to be a good wife and you won’t do even so little.”
To cut the story short I flew down to Wagga that evening on a commuter flight that was a regular late Friday night flight. I talked to her parents who actually supported her! I could not believe what I was hearing. My parents did not want to take a position one way or the other fearing that to take a side would alienate the other, correctly so I would imagine.
We had some quite heated arguments. How am I supposed to pay for the mortgage on our house while also paying rental on a property in Wagga, hmmmm? Her answer was “take in boarders”. I was beyond incredulous and at one stage said:
Peter: “Let me get this straight. I worked my arse off for five years renovating our first house weekend after weekend so we could afford to move a better area with better schools for the exclusive benefit of YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. I don’t get any benefit from living in our new house.
And now you think it is a good idea to move boarders in to our house while you use that money to pay for a rental here in Wagga where, surprise, surprise, the schools are nowhere near as good as the school the children are in? Are you out of your mind?!”
Jennifer was adamant and her mother and her father backed her so she figured she was “in the right”. Bill and Irene should have said what my grandmothers would have said:
“You made your bed now sleep in it.”
In the end I signed a 6 month lease with the real estate agent father of a boy I knew from my time living in Wagga. I told Jennifer that I would take boarders in on 6 month contracts and that no matter what happened she was in Wagga for the next 6 months and good luck to her. I then returned to Sydney, sorted out boarders, and got back to, you know, actually earning money to pay for a SECOND HOUSE.
Now. If you think THAT is excessive? Just keep going. This is the sort of rubbish women carry on with that is not criticised by other women. Remember. EVERYONE knew what Jennifer was doing. You do not relocate your family 500kms from the family home without EVERYONE knowing about it. But, as we all know, western women are beyond criticism, right?
So in about April, about three months in to this 6 month lease, I am at my desk one night working and the phone rings. Colour me surprised it is Jennifer. And what does she say?
Jennifer: “I talked to the school in Pennant Hills today. They say that if Kristen and Jarrod are not back in the school after the Easter Holidays then they will give their spots to people on their waiting list. They have students out of area who would like to go to the school. They told me that if they do not come back then if I change my mind in the future they will have to go on the waiting list. And the school here is not as good as the school in Pennant Hills.”
I was not even the slightest bit upset. I was getting used to this sort of garbage now. I was not even surprised. So I said.Peter: “So, for some reason you did not realise that the best public school in Sydney was better than the worst public school in Wagga. This comes as a “surprise” to you.And it comes as a surprise to you that they would like to keep their attendances at 100% so they get their money from the government and will replace your two treasures with out of area students if you do not bring them back and put them in the school. None of this ever occurred to you, eh? And you claim to be smart enough to be a programmer, yeah, right!
And what am I supposed to do with the two boarders living here? You know. Men who are actually paying me some actual money to live here and who have signed six month contracts. Those men. And you know how tight the Sydney rental market is. It is not like they can just get a rental anywhere else at the drop of a hat.
So tell me oh great selfish and self centred genius. How am I supposed to sort out this latest unreasonable demand, eh? Explain to me what I am supposed to do to get you out of the mess you created with the school places for your children.”
Jennifer: “Well, you will just have to tell them they have to leave. I have changed my mind. It’s my house. They have to get out.”
Peter: “No. It is NOT your house. Your house is the house I am paying for in Wagga. This became not your house when you refused to live in it. Just because you name is on the mortgage does not make it YOUR house. That makes it the BANKS house. You have a house. Right where you are in Wagga.
And the two men who live in THEIR HOUSE and MY HOUSE signed contracts. I signed those contracts. I have no right to get them to leave and there is no court in the land who would force them to leave. The best I can do is politely ask them to leave. And if they say no then you are shit out of luck.
You brought this situation on us all with your selfishness, your greed, and your self centeredness. You developed some allergies as a result of your fourth pregnancy. You feel better in Wagga where the air is dryer. Well bully for you. Just so that you feel better we should get another house. To hell with the plan for the kids schooling at the best high public high school in the city. Stuff the kids. You have allergies. You allergies take priority over your children’s education.
Stuff the fact that I worked my arse off for 5 years to be able to move from Seven Hill to Pennant Hills. Stuff the fact that I had to quit my job at IBM to pay for this house because you refused to go to work.
You have allergies. You don’t feel well. So the ENTIRE FAMILY has to be severely compromised to MAKE YOU HAPPY. Even to the extent you might have lost your children their place in a school that is 100 meters away and you have put them in to the worst school in Wagga because “I have allergies and the world must bend to my will so I feel better”. And you claim you love your children? You are willing to compromise their education so you feel better and this you call love? Yeah. Right.
I will tell you what I will do. I will politely ask the boarders if they will move on. If they say no you are shit out of luck. And no, I will not let you talk to them. They are nothing to do with you. Your signature is not on their contracts for boarding. You have no say.
If they will move out then we still have the problem that we have to pay the next three months rent on YOUR HOUSE there in Wagga. I can call the agent and see if he will do me the FAVOUR of reletting it but he has absolutely NO OBLIGATION to relet the house before the six months is up. He might help me because his son and I are mates. That would be the ONLY reason he might help me. And I will have to pay him for his time to relet the house too.
You made a fine mess of this situation didn’t you. I hope you feel proud of yourself. Your own childrens education is less important to you than “I feel happy”. What a greedy, selfish, self centred woman you are.”
With that I hung up. The next day I chatter to the boarders who said they would try and find somewhere else to live but with the right rental market they could not promise to leave because they might end up without a place to live.
As it happened they were able to secure rentals inside a few weeks so the whole damn shooting match of two houses was brought to a close. My friends father was able to relet the house in Wagga and I gave him some money in consideration of his help that was entirely unwarranted on our part.
When Jennifer and the children came back to settle in the family home I talked to Jennifer and simply laid down the law. What I said went something like this:
Peter: “Firstly. You are to shut up. I am not interested in anything you have to say. I am doing the talking here. You are doing the listening. Have I made myself clear?” (She nodded.)
Peter: “Your behaviour as a wife and mother is beyond disgraceful. You are boarding on negligent of working in the best interests of your children. We talked in 1989 about your children and the school that they were in at Seven Hills. We knew that the local high school was not a great school.
We talked about how, if it was at all possible, we needed to get YOUR CHILDREN in to a better school to give them the best opportunity in life. We discussed and agreed that the high school your children, did I mention they are YOUR CHILDREN? The high school that YOUR CHILDREN would go to would have a HUGE influence on their opportunities in life.
So we agreed that we would BOTH do all we could to get into a position where YOUR CHILDREN would have the opportunity to attend the best public school we could get them in to because we would not be able to afford a private school for them. So I BUSTED MY ARSE to renovate our first house. I BUSTED MY ARSE to secure this house for our second house.
And I BUSTED MY ARSE to keep it when you refused to go to work to pay for the mortgage you signed.
And then what do you do? Oh, I have the sniffles, I have got some allergies. I am going to THROW AWAY THE BENEFIT OF THE BEST SCHOOL IN SYDNEY FOR MY CHILDREN BECAUSE PUTTING UP WITH THE SNIFFLES IS TOO MUCH TO ASK OF ME!!
You don’t even have to GO TO WORK like millions of other people with the SAME ALLERGIES you have do.
Do you have ANY IDEA how low my opinion is of you? What about OUR CHILDREN? Are you going to put yourself above what is best for OUR CHILDREN TOO? Are you going to be greedy and selfish and self-centred and lazy and compromise the opportunities for OUR CHILDREN like you were so ready to do with YOUR CHILDREN?
No need to answer that question because you have already answered it. You have demonstrated to me, in spades, beyond all doubt, that you are so selfish and so greedy that you put yourself and your own “I want to be happy” in front of YOUR CHILDREN which means that you will have absolutely NO PROBLEM doing the same in the future to OUR CHILDREN.
Do you have ANY IDEA how disgusted I am in you as a mother? Do you have ANY IDEA how much I regret having children with you? Do you have ANY IDEA how much I wish, right now, that I had not married you. That I did not bring these children in to the world with you as their mother?
Do you have ANY IDEA how concerned I am for the welfare of MY CHILDREN now that you have reveal to me just what an incredibly bad mother you are? All that bullshit pretending you did during our courting years of how much your children meant to you and how you always put your children first and how you would A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G for your children.
What a litany of lies. What bullshit. I would NEVER have married you if the thought had crossed my mind for one second that you would ever do what you just did. What you just did was the most disgraceful and disgusting act of self interest and selfishness I have ever witnessed from ANY WOMAN EVER.
I have NEVER SEEN any mother act as disgracefully as you have acted these last 4 months. Not even close.
Now. You know what my opinion is of you. It could hardly be worse if you tried. (I guess I had no idea how disgracefully she would act in divorce!) You have lost my respect. You can work at regaining it if you like. But from here on in? I will EXPECT the worst of you because for sure and for certain you do not wish to be the best you can be. You do not even wish to be a good mother to your own children.
By expecting the worst of you? I will not be disappointed. There is little you could do worse than put the education of your children at risk. Given you were willing to do that? What else might you be capable of? Who knows. But I can assure you. The high hopes I once had for you are gone. You have destroyed them. What you do now is up to you. As you told me when you stayed in Wagga “I can’t make you do anything”. And I can’t. And you love me so little you don’t care to do anything to even help me.
Now. I hope you are suitably chastised. If I were you? I would take a good, long, hard look at myself to see just what a shrew you have become.”
I then simply turned and left the room and let her ponder over what her husband had told her. To be told face to face by your husband that if he had any idea that she was capable of doing what she just did that you never would have married her and never would have brought children in to the world via her was as big a slap in the face as I could muster. And she deserved every little bit of if because that was exactly the correct thing to do.
That she later went on to put herself and what she wanted in front of the best interests of Joshua and Josephine is now a matter of record. She said so in her own words that:
“I see how I have enrolled them in my stories about you to their detriment.”
Meaning she knew she was lying to the children about their father and that it injured the children. But, apparently, this is perfectly ok by all the women around Jennifer. Western women just like you, dear reader.
Apparently lying to children about their father so as to poison their minds to him and alienate them from him and to viciously, cruelly, and callously manipulate children into an emotional dependency on the mother so she can use the children as her own private welfare system is perfectly ok by 99.9%+ of western women. Because that is exactly what Jennifer did to her four children and this is now being put into the public.
Now. Dear Ladies, my readers or listeners. You are very well advised to ask yourself the questions.
- Should you REWARD good husbands and fathers like me?or
- Should you continue to lie about them, slander them, persecute them to try and SHUT THEM UP in public?
Because, I can tell you this, dear lady, it is impossible to SHUT ME UP. I will tell you western women what it is you are doing wrong, what it is that you are supporting that is so repulsive to quality men. And I will tell you this from Germany where you would be hard pressed to find ANY WOMEN who would condone Jennifer’s actions.
That 99.9%+ of women in the west condone Jennifer’s actions and 99.9%+ of women (just a guess) who live in Germany no matter where they come from condemn her actions most vigorously tells you that this is not a matter of sex. This is a matter of character.
Women who live in Germany have the character trait that they wish to be treated on an equal before the law basis to men for the most part in my experience. Naturally that is a small sample set.
Women who live in the Anglo West have the character trait that they wish to be treated as above the law. They should be able to get away with perjury, kidnapping, extortion, theft and child abuse. After all? These are the RIGHTS, right? Forget “thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour”. Forget about “thou shalt not steal”. Forget about “honour thy husband”. Those are all such old and outdated notions.
Western women are beyond such notions because they are “modern” and “progressive”. Ideas of observing the rights of men, ideas of rewarding good husbands? They are so old fashioned, right?
And then you women ask: “where did all the good men go”?
Well, this one went to Germany where he has made a new life for himself that is better than almost any man could possibly create for himself in any western country.
Why? Because I do not have to worry about false allegations from greedy, selfish, vindictive, cruel, vicious, self centred women who are just after easy money.
And in the Anglo west, my dear reader, it does not matter what YOU are like and what YOU do. So many of your peers are greedy, selfish, vindictive, cruel, vicious, self centred women who are just after easy money that men are painting you with the same brush because they see that being a good husband is not rewarded.
After all? Not even Paul McCartney or Tom Cruise are “good enough” as husbands yet. Not even Paul McCartney or Tom Cruise get to raise their own children.
Until good husbands are openly championed and rewarded in marriage? Until good husbands are defended and protected in divorce? You will only have yourselves to blame for the lack of quality men who are willing to be good husbands.
The players? The thugs. The losers. The violence wife beaters? The men you remind us exist every day of the week? The men you falsely call quality men like me?
By all means. Marry them. Have children with them. They are the men you deserve for your unwillingness to reward good husbands like me. Like Paul McCartney. Like Tom Cruise. Like tens of millions of other good husbands whose lives you ruined rather than rewarded for their efforts.
Your betrayal is going to take generations to be put aside by men if it will ever be forgiven at all.
That is the lesson for today my dear ladies. Reward good husbands…..or not.
Thank you for listening.